Fe Fi Fo Go

I finally had enough of the Fe Fi Fo Ho, this bitch is fuckin psychotic. Just a really fucked up whore that hasn't a clue on how to deal with people. She has every disease known to man one week or another. The issues range from Lupus Erythematosus, Stroke, Blindness, the Inability to Walk, HIV, AIDS, Gonoherpasyphalaids, the list is endless. If she hears a new term or disease you can be sure for the next week she will use it as much as possible. When she heard the term resignation, i think she told me 10 times "It is time, i am giving my resignation!" Too bad the bitch didn't mean it. She is a fuckin nutter. One guy the other night was asking about her and said "You know, the girl with the Flapjack Titties." This is the most Narcissistic psychopath i have ever run across. She claims to be the highest paid hooker in New Orleans, HA! She is a pathetic joke of humanity and should have been the Poster Child for planned parenthood! The funniest part about this "Gem" is that 70% of the guys that enter the club and know TS's work here think she is a he. She is also a Rat, Claims to have CI number, claims to have ratted out dirty cops etc. Tried to invent shit on me when i fired her from my shift. Boys and Girls, i suggest you steer clear of the Fe Fi Fo Ho.

Mexicant

So one night working in a club we have this Mexicant walk in. He immediately pulls his little Chihuahua out and scares the girls and boys. I let it go for a few minutes to see how the Girls will handle it. Eventially I tell him its time for him to leave. Now my Mexicant isnt fluent by any means but he got the idea, turned to me, said Fuck You and continued to drink his beer. I then said No It is time for you to go. He ignored me so my door man said it is time for you to go in some broken Mexicant Spanish. He ignored him as well. At this point I am finished with his bullshit so i move the chair that is between him and the door out of the way, I grab one side of him, my Ooompah Loompah Pit Bull grabs the other side and we procede to "Gingerly" escort him to the door. When we have him immitating Aero Mexico as he launches across the sidewalk, we aim for the pole outside the door but accidentally allow him to touch down in the garbage can. He gets up and hums a beer bottle at me like a MLB Pitcher, that thing was traveling well over 98MPH. This guy missed his calling! The bottle explodes on the wall behind me and i feel a sliver cut me, so i decide "Fuck This" and I go after him, he starts to attempt to bow up to me when I throw a Right Jab that sends him to the ground. He then gets up and starts to run away but for some reason turns around, I guess he likes getting punched in the face, so i oblige his fettish and land another one on him, he hits the ground again, he grabs my leg and twists my ankle so i fall over. Well that pissed me off so i jumped up and started kicking him in the face, i give him a second to get back up as i know he loves my punches, so when he gets up he goes to swing at me, i block it his eyes get big and i punch him again, he goes back to the ground, grabs my foot again and i fall again, now i am looking like a drunken Irishman on St. Paddys day at this point, i was ok to leave it there till i realised i fell in the French Quarter gumbo that is the funk in the gutters of the street. So i get up and really pissed this time start wailing on him, my doorman gets a kick or two in and as i am about to finish him off these 3 street walkers start talking to him saying "Little Man I dont know what you did but whatever it was it must have been fucked up because these are 2 of the coolest guys on the block, you better go before they really hurt you" So i let the lil Mexicant up and he backs off, and we think its over. I return to the club. An hour passes and my doorman says hey he is there, i look out he is peeping around the corner at us. He does this for about 20-30 minutes trying to convince any Mexican that walks by him to help him out, they all refused. I look up and see him walking towards the door of the club alone, now i have a lot of things going through my head at this point, such as WTF this guy is a total moron, he just had his ass kicked there is no way he is coming back for more, he has something else going on, so my doorman and I go inside the club to wait. After waiting for what seemed like 10 minutes i see him rushing around the car parked on the street with his hand in his back like he is reaching for a gun, i slam the club door shut and throw the deadbolt. He beats on the door for a second or two and leaves. Later that evening we see a few guys we know that told us he definately had a gun. So goes another day in Paradise!

Bloody Nikki

What do you get when you take a 6'1" transgendered guy with a potbelly and really horrible cosmetic procedures? Yes! Bloody Nikki. This bitch is disgusting. Firstly It has HIV, and some kind of silicone injections in his hips that was rejected so it looks like a cottage cheese factory gone bad, and an upper lip with so much collagen in it i think Goodyear is stamped on his inner lip. He totally freaks out when someone calls him a boy, i dont get why afterall he is a he. I will call a TS she if i have any respect for them but this boy is just a pain in the ass, not to mention dangerous. Why the name Bloody Nikki you ask, well one day he is in the back with a guy giving him head apparently and the guy screams, and Nikki comes out with his face covered in blood. Can you believe the guy asked for a REFUND? This big ugly thing finds it fun to get a thug in the back convincing them he is a she only to let them know right as the dance is ending that he has a dick. Really classy let me tell you. So if you are ever in the Stripper Graveyard and see a pale black boy with horrible torpedo titties pointing right and left and a pot belly thats Bloody Nikki, give him my regards, tell him he looks like a Boy.

Date-Rape Drugs

Is it just me, or do date-rape drugs and hookers seem an odd combination? I guess they are effective for the poor bastard that can only afford a $20 cap but for the most part it is amusing as hell. So the Fe Fi Fo Ho comes in skipping and dancing around the bar and I was thinking to myself OH SHIT IT IS GONNA BE ONE LONG NIGHT.

She informs me she is on 2 caps of GHB can she work??? I was thinking probably a bad idea but "Ok just don't be a pest!" I am out at the front door talking to my door man when a guy comes by asking if we have any girls. I tell him yeah aside from the ones here at the door there is another in there you cant miss her. He walks in the bar and walks out saying there is no one in there. Now this girl is literally 6'8"-6'10" in her heels how could he miss her. I walk in and look around and nope no stripper. I look around the bar, check the dressing room, the restroom, the VIP room. Nothing. Then as i am walking out to ask my doorman if she left i see her cocked under the stage. Looked like she had a broken neck so i went over to her and asked her what was up. She said "Gemeeabartowel" and that's about how it sounded. I got her a towel and then she looked up, her face was covered in blood.

Yukkity Yuk Yuk i don't have HIV i don't want HIV or any other blood borne pathogen so i stepped back. She asked that i help her to the restroom i said ok and put a plastic bag over her hands and said grab on. So I walk her to the bathroom, her nose is broken she is bleeding from her mouth etc. I could only laugh. Apparently the dumb date-rape drugged moron who took it recreationally face planted against the steel bar. Oops! Broke her nose probably chipped a tooth or so. I send another girl in to clean her up. About 10 mins later the idiot is asleep in a chair, i figured let her sleep. Upon waking up a few hours later she asked why she hadnt made any money, i tried to explain there just isnt a market for comatose hookers, most men get that with their wife why would they wanna pay for the experience?

Mothers Day

A guy comes in with his mom on Mothers Day evening and drools over the stripper currently in the club, TFB. He is loud, a bit drunk, but seems like a nice enough guy. His mother is a demure, very kind lady who just really seems like my kind of people. We hang a bit at the bar chatting and then he continues to be infatuated with the stripper. He figures out that he can have the stripper for a "VIP" for the paltry sum of $240 ish.  

Before i know whats going on he is off to the VIP room with the stripper and his mother is paying for his "dance."

They run to the back and get busy while his mother and I chat. She is charming, from the left coast and in the IT field. While they are back there his mother asks me the original sex of the stripper. If they had questions initially i think they should have been asked up front rather than after the fact. The mother asks something along the lines of "I didn't just pay for my son to get a blow job from a man did i?" What am i to say? This puts me in an extremely awkward situation. She notices my discomfort and laughs it off stating "Well it will teach him some humility!" What a gem!

After all is said and done the son comes out and is grilling me as to whether or not the stripper is or was a man originally... I state we have all types that work in the club and since i have no intimate knowledge of any person that works in the club i cant tell. This is a fact, i know what people say, i know what people think, but i honestly can not 100% know for sure the past or present gender of any person working in the club as a dancer. The dancer tells the son that she was born with both sexes.  The son says well it doesn't really matter he would do her again.

You can tell he is never quite sure and gets more agitated as his time in the bar progresses. His mother tries to control him, eventually our conversation over life and computers is cut short as she must remove her unruly child from my establishment before he is forced to spend a night in OPP.

He asked me if he is now considered a fag, i stated and gave him the easy way out. "Did you go there with intent to have sex with a guy? Did you think it was a guy? Did you want it to be a guy? If you answered no to all these questions then NO you aren't gay." If you answered yes, maybe you are gay or bi... Who am i to Judge?

Although she was a doll he was a bit of an asshole by the end of the night taking liberties with peoples personal space and telling me he should come over the bar and kick my ass. At one point he tried to shove his fingers in my nose asking me if they smelled like pussy. He said he has been in many prisons before and is returning soon. Tis a pity but with his deteriorating behaviour after he rushed to do the deed ignoring his better judgment how is it my fault? It isn't. So gentlemen, young and old, don't be a total fucking moron if you think a female in a strip bar in New Orleans is male, chances are they either are or were at some point if you don't wanna go there, then DON'T. If you ignore your better judgment and do it anyway, you are at fault and to blame no one else is. So pull up your big boy panties and deal with it!

Till next time, PEACE

Fe Fi Fo Ho

So the other night i am talking to a dancer that works for the competition and she is going on telling me how she smacked the Fe Fi Fo Ho. I stopped for a second and knew immediately who this person was. She is 6'0 without heels, and with stripper shoes she is easily 6'8" so the name fits perfectly. She is a total self centered bitch that thinks she is "all that" and doesn't realise that she is a washed up whore. To be a whore is one thing, to be a washed up whore is altogether different. So the Fe Fi Fo Ho continues to win friends and influence people. I would have to say the funnies part about this particular person is a lot of men think she is transgendered. Does that mean you are hot? I am thinking... I will keep my thoughts to myself on this one. She could be attractive if her personality weren't so shitty. She will walk up to you every day telling you how she is going to die and ramble to you for hours about how pathetic and miserable she is. The second you ever say anything about yourself she glances at you with a curt look, says "I don't care" and walks off.  I am told none of the bartenders/managers on the block can manage her or keep  her in line, yet i never had that problem when she worked for me. 

I am tired of one thing on the block. Nearly every freakin dancer tries to tell me and convince me they are the biggest moneymaker on the block etc. The other day one girl works her first shift with me. Does a $60 dance and the second the customer pays for it she has her hand out. I said what? she said give me my money, i looked at her and laughed in her face. I said you don't get paid immediately, you claim to being a dancer for over 7 years and you have yet to figure out how it works? I am unsure if i am more impressed with her audacity or ignorance.  She started to pitch a fit,  and told me hers was the best ass in the French Quarter, to which i laughed and told her, "Wow Really? I hear that daily from different girls" i then pointed to the front door and told her to have a nice night and get out of my bar. 

The two biggest moneymakers I have worked with are one transgendered i called Sideburn Sue in a previous post, and then another short lil "healthy" Hispanic looking dancer. The heavy set one is amazing with people. I am unsure if its her soft voice or maybe her calm demeanor but she can walk up to ANY customer and within 5 minutes of talking to him have a dance and then some.  I enjoy her working my shifts because i know i will make some money.

Customers asking me if i think they are idiots is seldom a good sign for them.

Thursday night, i had this total pretentious prick in the bar bragging about how much money he has etc. Well 3 girls went up to him and he denied them all, then "Sideburn Sue" went up to him and some how cracked his safe open. Within 10 seconds he bought her a $27.00 drink and 5 minutes later a $280.00 dance. After he agreed to the dance i had to get him to sign his credit card receipt, give his fingerprint, take his photo etc. When i went to him to get him to sign the receipt he started being a real prick. He looks at me says "Do I look stupid to you?" to which i bit my tongue and assured him that the fact that he was going upstairs with a man he thought was a woman didn't influence my opinion of him at all. He asked what i would do if he refused to sign it, i said not too much apparently and about 10 seconds before i was going to kick him out the door she signed, then gave his thumbprint and i snapped his picture. After his dance he wouldn't leave, so the girls got him to spend more money, 2 rounds of drinks and he was at $91.00 so he closed out his CC again. Then he wanted a VIP with the 2 girls i mentioned earlier together, Sideburn Sue and the Heavier one. I told him it would be $560 he said no. after about 45 minutes to an hour of the girls wrangling him he decided on 2 $120.00 dances. well the 45 mins of wrangling and drinking put him at about $490.00. Before the dance both girls insisted on $100 tip for each of them and $100 for me. So they take him to the ATM and he withdraws $200 gives each girl her share. Well they went ape shit and started badgering him till he went to the ATM again. This time was for my tip. They weren't going to do anything with/for him till he tipped me. He comes to the bar gives me a $20 note and walks away. The girls looked at me and said they were going to get the rest during the dance. After them postponing his dance for 5-10 mins and hearing him getting annoyed i told them to forget about it. Once the dance was over they managed to get another $40 from him for me, so these 2 girls definitely rock. They shortly ended their shifts after this dance and headed home, the guy was still there wanting a VIP from another of the girls, he went to throw it on his CC and i ran it and it was declined. So she took him over to the ATM and he tried n tried to get money from it, she then saw a receipt on the floor and it was his. he was $-198.00 at that moment. So we both knew it wasn't going to happen, he went in and out of the club another 5 times or so, and on each reentry he had me run his card to see if it would work yet.

NO SIR I DO NOT THINK YOU ARE AN IDIOT AT ALL, you spent a total of over $900 on a guy and a girl and called the guy a Classy Woman at the end of the night. YOU SIR ARE A TOTAL MORON! With your Wedding ring and negative bank account I hope your wife is PROUD!

Week from hell

Can you say SLOW, i worked one night alone *no tits = no tips* i worked another night with a drunk tranny, that offended everyone that walked in. I worked another day with a virtually full bar but was ony bar tips no dances etc, and the next day was working with a door man that got drunk and went and turned a trick at another bar. Just hasnt been my week.

Ugh and Unfff

Lets hope next week is better, then again, its hard to beat $28.00 in tips in a week, when i am used to making $300+ a night....

Strippers Galore

I am used to working at the 2 clubs I manage. Some girls from the other 2 clubs came in last night and hung out for a little bit and said to come check out their clubs after work. So i did, and they are interesting to say the least. One girl i will call HK doesn't fit the "graveyard" fare. She is intelligent and still in decent shape. I wonder why she hit the Graveyard. Probably drugs... 

So i went to the 2 clubs and hung out for a while at each of them. They had a lot of patrons and a lot of girls working... I think that's what our clubs are missing, WOMEN, not chicks with dicks but WOMEN, and not short fat bulldogs but WOMEN. Yep I can see now why so many people go across the street rather than into Tranny Hell. I would say out of the 15 or so women working at the other clubs, maybe 5 were actually somewhat attractive. Not drop dead gorgeous or anything but better than the butt ugly women i am used to. Lets face it, I am totally not accustomed to looking on the dance area and seeing a nice ass. I am used to seeing GIGANTIC TITANIC ICEBERGS. With maybe 2 exceptions they were nothing special but they were at least not cellulite pocked legs and asses. 

Is that to say that the clubs don't have their share of Cottage Cheese, No, but at least they have more of a selection than FAT ASS OR COCK. 

I guess i have ranted long enough on this subject.

So on to the interesting person of the evening. She is short and petite, has a few tattoos but no "tramp stamp!"  I sat in her bar for about 20 - 30 minutes just seeing how it all worked. Well what i got was a lesson in how to work a crowd. There were i guess 3-5 men sitting at the bar each with a girl talking to him. HK, after telling me "I never go up to men, they come to me" quietly got up on the dance area and started her dance. It was pretty amazing to watch the guys reactions, as if marionettes on strings, all at once they turned and watched her, you could see the strippers with them trying in vain to create some conversation or anything to get their transfixed gaze off of HK but it was all in vain. They all watched much like a dog's head follows your hand when you have a treat. I was half waiting for them to either pant or drool. To my dismay they didn't. You could almost see their pulse rising as she climbed across the gap between the stage and the bar and then proceeded to dance on the bar right in front of them. At this point i think i saw some drool escape and even heard panting! She did this for about $8. 

I thought, wow what a waste, then i saw her move in for the kill... She picked the best looking of them all, slinked over to him and made her proposition. Within 3 minutes the guy paid at least $500 for 30 mins alone with her. I left shortly thereafter and went to the other club. I returned about an hour or more later and she was still doing VIPs and i am guessing she won each of them over and probably scored well over $1500 which all started with one dance to one song. Now that is working a crowd, in a stripperesque kinda way. I am sure she could have repeated the performance once every 2 hours for an 8 hour shift and left with around $6000. Too bad i wasn't born a petite white woman! I am just an old fat guy who is losing hair in places i want it, and growing hair in places i don't.

What a long strange week

OK so i didn't keep up with it last week, it was pretty hectic. Jazz Fest first weekend, so Wednesday night the freak show began, boys from southern states trying out some boys. The sad part is we had at least 5 rednecks that never figured out they fucked guys and not girls.

Wednesday night was by far the most fun of them all. I had a guy run in claiming to be a cop, he came behind my bar and ordered me to give him one of the girls phone numbers. I told him to go fuck himself and he left. Then he returned and again came behind my bar saying he was going to shut the club down that it was under surveillance, What an asshole. I asked to see a badge he had none. So i had the doorman toss him out, i told the doorman if he returned i was going to have him tossed in jail. Thankfully he returned yet again, so i walked behind him down the street for about 20 feet to a waiting policeman and informed him that this guy was claiming to be a cop and wasn't that a felony? The cop smiled at me turned on his lights and arrested the jackass. Enjoy OPP moron. Money wasn't great and the streets died promptly at 1am. I was a bit worried but at 4am a girl walked in to get cigarettes. Well she told me she had been a stripper before and wanted to try the pole. I obliged and she danced, well she was the most attractive thing on the block and around 4:30 guys walking buy started noticing and the club started coming alive, by 6:45am i had to actually throw people out of the club because it was time to close. The girl said she was going on vacation but would return to dance again when she got back. I am looking forward to that. She carried on intelligent conversation and attracted guys. Just what i needed on a dull night. We will see if she ever returns.

Thursday night was steady all night long. There was a genuinely nice guy in there from TX who a girl tried to pull a hustle on. I heard his side, i asked her side. they didn't match! I then asked a girl that was changing when the incident occurred she told me the guys side so i fired the little bitch on the spot! Needless to say the guy left totally happy and very glad i was working.

Yes we are a whore house, yes it is illegal, but i still am not gonna let someone get ripped off! we aren't about fucking over customers, just fucking them.

I will try this week to post every night, as i am working 5 days straight!